Monday, July 4, 2016

The me before you.


Last night, while altering the length of my baju raya, I watched the movie Me Before You via online streaming. A story about a guy who lost his will to live after a terrible motorcycle accident (which made him quadriplegic due to the spinal cord involvement) and met a girl who was paid to take care of him-- eventually they fell in love with each other. Tragically, the love he had for the girl didn't change his mind about wanting to choose death as he cannot live while being bounded to a wheelchair any longer.

Not much of a different than The Fault in Our Stars; I did not cry then and I did not cry this time. My favorite quote from the movie would be: Push yourself, do not settle. Just live.

I am currently watching Another Oh Hae Young, a Korean drama about a girl who is brokenhearted after her fiance broke off their engagement the day before their wedding. The hero, similarly, had been left on the altar the year before. They are both in pain, hurting (still), and miserable. For the girl, the pain is too much for her. To think that someone whom you shared a dream with suddenly decided that he does not want you in his life anymore... that you are no longer needed-- how awful would that be?

The girl said: How I wish someone would tell me that this I'm experiencing is not a big deal.
The guy: How is it not a big deal? That feeling like the world has given us a death sentence. That feeling like we have been exiled from the universe. That feeling of having to say nice things and ask for mercy from the universe... How is that not a big deal?

Knowing that they share the same cause of pain, the hero said this to the heroin:
Whatever happens, just live. Even if you are torn into pieces, just live. Staying alive is winning. There must be something that the universe wants me to heed from this two stories. If not, why am I having two guys saying the phrase: Just live.

Truthfully, this pain is getting unbearable and I am barely surviving. At times, I would just close my eyes, clenched my teeth and took a deep breath, hoping and wishing and praying that the pain will eventually subside. It did, for a moment until I rethink about it at another time (self-inflicted pain, I know) and the vicious cycle continues. So this is for myself.

Even if it hurts, even if it is unbearable, and even if your heart feels so much pain that you just want to rip it off your chest with your bare hands; just live. Just live, somehow. If I ever give in to the pain, I will fall apart and honestly, I do not have time to fall apart.

O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient. -Surah Al-Baqarah: verse 153. 

Love, N

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