Thursday, January 26, 2012

red letter to my future self.

Bismillah~

Err, tulisan sebelum ni entum tutup mata je boleh? I was too caught up with emotions and always have been... too fragile? That was indeed, one of my flaws, however I don’t have any intentions to remove that side of me because that’s what makes me, me :)

Anyways, I am left with one paper for my finals, thankfully. Then, immediately will go for shoppiiiinngg (yayness) and pack my bag to have my winter break back in Malaysia (super yayness).
____________________________________________________________________

The reason I am gonna do a letter for the future me is that, I was inspired by a film entitled ‘Sunny’, the scene which an adult self of heroin, watching a video that she made during her middle school, saying stuffs to her adult version. Gaaah, I’ll make sure my own circle of friends (Chopsy, that is) will do the same once we get together.

Sekarang ni semua berkecah kat seluruh dunia –_-“ Can’t really blame them for that, since each and everyone of us is pursuing our dreams in our own journey of life. Like I said, fate and destiny took over. And I am so proud! I just can’t even imagine the day we won’t be friends anymore.

Nabihah, Anis, Rabiatul, Amani, Syafa, Ain, Zahidah. Soulmates, forever.
____________________________________________________________________

Dear myself of the future, this is Nuha Muneerah in her 3rd year of Med School writing. If you happened to read this later in your life, please be reminded that I wrote this so that you can recall what expectations you used to have on yourself.

Dreams, everyone has it, don’t they?

And I hereby, wanted to say to you that your dreams are to become a future doctor that not only healed wounds on your patient’s anatomy but also, nurtured their soul on becoming a better Slave of Allah Taala. Because of that, you can never— do you hear me? I said never— give up on this dreams of yours.

No matter how stressful your job are, how desperate you might be, how depressed you shall be, how little time you have for yourself, backing out is not even in your options! March, my future self. Take a peek at your pasts as you moved on so that you won’t repeat the same mistake again.

You may tremble, worn out, but as you are down on your knees, doesn’t that mean you are in a perfect position to pray?

:)

Do not waver in seeking Allah Taala, for He provided you with too much blessings than you can ever wonder, and let you be whoever you are right now. Be thankful for the fact that He gave you your life so that you can help others to live theirs. That is such an honourable job and I am so proud of you for making your way there.

Dear Nuha Muneerah of the future, I am quite sure by the time you read this, you already built your own family, having your husband and kids by your side. *smiling* Take a good look of every single one of them now, the ones that Allah Taala has bestowed to be in your life, accompany you in your journey as a Muslimah.

Smile, my future self.
Smile, for once upon a time, during your adolescent self, you once dreamt to have them and now, they are there, beside you. Allah has granted your duaa when you are once me. ;)

Be a loyal wife to your husband, for he loves you for you, and let you be yourself in any circumstances. Be an awesome mom that you always wanted to be, that you once promised me, a very good cook at that, a very loving one, that doesn't nags, instead, uses logics and Islamic tarbiyyah to educate those offsprings of yours. You'll pull it off, with Allah willings.

:)

Dear self, above all, constantly be a grateful Slave to your Creator. For He had given you such a lovely parents to begin with. Take good care of them, when they turn old, when they seek your attentions more than your kids do. You owe them your life, for what they have done for you.

You would never, wanted to go into Jannah alone without bringing them along, wouldn't you?

And for that, I promise you, the me that wrote this letter to you, shall be a good daughter to them from now on, despite whatever comes between me and them inshaAllah. I hope you'll do the same although you ought to have your own family now.

I hope I can meet you soon enough, love!
Assalamualaikum.

X

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

How would you manage?

How on earth do you feel if your loved ones are ripped apart from you? By ripped apart, I mean that suddenly, the person you love is no longer someone you love, let alone knew. The saddest thing is, you are in fact close, to that someone. Its just that fate and destiny took control or overpower you.

The happy ending are out of the question.

Hazy?
Haih, tak apa, mungkin tak perlu difahamkan pun.

Tapi... rasa sakit ni setengah mati. Allah.

x

Sunday, January 22, 2012

yang mencari Tuhan, saya.

Bismillah~

Tiba-tiba terasa Allah timpakan saya satu perasaan, dan jadi sangat berharap perasaan ni kekal. Perasaan untuk menjadi seorang gadis yang lebih baik, lebih ikhlas, lebih santun, lebih menjaga, daripada saya yang sekarang ni. Someone who is worthy to be in another person's life.

:)

Saya jumpa idola saya... rasanya inshaAllah. Kakak kepada seorang sahabat kat sini, yang ada di UK.

Segarlah kembali perasaan
Sewaktu aku mula mengenal Tuhan,
Indah.

Someone worthy. I pray to be the kind of girl who is worth for someone to entrust their life. For someone to say, 'Yes, you are definitely worth it for me to seek your parents.' And I know that the process ain't gonna be smooth sailing, I just might be wavering every now and then but... the steps I took are somewhat counted by Allah Taala, yes?

Bagi orang orang yang berbuat baik, ada pahala yang terbaik (syurga) dan tambahannya (kenikmatan melihat Allah). Dan wajah mereka tidak ditutupi debu hitam dan tidak (pula) dalam kehinaan. Mereka itulah penghuni syurga, mereka kekal di dalamnya. -Surah Yunus, verse 26.

:')

Apa nikmat ini tak cukup untuk kita menggerakkan diri pada hari ini, kembali pada fitrah?

Tak sampai seru? Jadi saya tanya, adakah tulisan saya ini bukan satu bentuk seruan secara tak langsung, sewaktu awak ditakdirkan Allah Taala untuk membaca setiap patah yang sedang saya tuliskan mengikut ilham yang datangnya dari al-Khaliq ni?

Kalau bukan, jadi saya tanya lagi... Seruan bagaimana yang awak mahukan? Dalam bentuk mimpi? Tunggu sampai awak rasa kiamat dah nak dekat? Tunggu Nabi Isa alaihi salam turun? Sampai awak rasa bila awak keluar rumah langit nak runtuh hempap awak? Tunggu saat Malaikat Izrail mula mencabut nyawa? Yang bagaimana, saya nak tanya?

:)

Muhasabah sama-sama jom!

P/s: Kakak, you obviously do not know how much you have inspired me, by just looking at your photos, yet never do I met you in person before. I pray for Allah Taala to grant you happiness and blessings throughout your life, isA ♥

x

Friday, January 20, 2012

Do I have to put my feelings into words, for you to understand?

Bismillah~

'Kau dah lain.' kata seorang kawan, lelaki.

'Dulu aku macam mana?' bertanya.

'Dulu kau okay je.'

'Sekarang?'

'Entah. Lain. Dah tak macam dulu. Aku rasa kau ni kena jadi diri sendiri. Tak payah nak ikut surrounding kau sangat. Be your usual self.' si kawan lelaki tadi menjelaskan.

'Jadi diri sendiri?' terkebil-kebil, dalam hati dah ternganga.

'Ha ah lah. Jangan nak awkward sangat dengan aku, dengan lelaki lain.'
_________________________________________________________________________

Kau, adalah seorang lelaki... *tarik nafas dalam, hembus.*

36,000 perkataan dalam kamus kalau aku cantumkan pun belum tentu dapat buat kau faham 'fasa' yang tengah aku lalui. Kalau ayat terakhir tu definisi 'Jadi diri sendiri' untuk kau, aku rasa macam lagi rela jadi 'lain'.

Fine, aku memang dah tak reti duduk semeja dengan lelaki, sebelah apatah lagi. Aku dah hilang minat nak jadikan bertekak dengan lelaki sebagai hobi. Aku dah tak rasa berjalan berdua dengan lelaki tu menarik hati. Yes, I no longer find those things amusing.

Aku dah hilang seni.

Kau, sebagai kawan aku, tak boleh tolong aku untuk jadi perempuan yang lebih baik...? Apa perlu aku rayu pada semua lelaki? :'(
.
.

Dan nasihatku tidak akan bermanfaat bagimu sekalipun aku ingin memberi nasihat kepadamu, kalau Allah hendak menyesatkan kamu. Dia adalah Tuhanmu, dan kepada-Nyalah kamu dikembalikan. -surah Hud, verse 34.

x

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Kau terlalu kenal aku, kan?

Bismillah~

Ya Allah, Kau terlalu kenal hambaMu yang ini kan? Tidak akan pernah ada sesuatu yang aku lakukan, dapat lari dari pengetahuan-Mu. Tidak ada yang mampu aku sembunyikan. Kau, terlalu kenal diri ini melebihi yang empunya diri.

Allah.

Sungguh, Tuhanmu Maha luas ampunan-Nya. Dia mengetahui tentang kamu, sejak Dia menjadikan kamu dari tanah lalu ketika kamu masih janin dalam perut ibumu. Maka janganlah kamu menganggap dirimu suci. Dia mengetahui tentang orang-orang yang bertakwa. -surah an-Najm; verse 32.

x

Monday, January 16, 2012

Miracles, are everyday. The moon will come, as the sun will fade.

Bismillah~

*Playing Para PencariMu by Ungu on repeat, :)*

Approximately two days from final exams on 18th of January. I am officially nervous. There, I said it. InshaAllah, masih punya masa untuk touch-up sana sikit sini sikit. Masih berkesempatan untuk tak berputus asa. Masih ada peluang untuk terus berusaha.

Jika kau fikirkan kau boleh, kau hampir boleh melakukan.
Jika kau fikirkan ragu-ragu, usahamu tidak menentu.
Engkaulah apa kau fikirkan, terkandung dalam pemikiran!
Berfikir boleh melakukan...
Fikirkan boleh!

*Did you just sing-a-long with me? Hehe. This song boosted my spirit like Woooooh~ I'm powered up!*
Heh.

Study leave tiga minggu dalam musim sejuk ni menduga sangat.

A part from I can't abandoned my bed and comforter that easily after laying down on it, I am constantly hungry! Gastrointestinal tract rasanya dah serupa gaung dah, masuk masuk hilang :'O But don't worry mummy and daddy, this lil princess of yours obviously didn't deserted her studies hihihihi.

Dan jika syaitan mengganggumu dengan suatu godaan, maka mohonlah perlindungan kepada Allah. Sungguh, Dialah yang Maha Mendengar, Maha Mengetahui. -Al Fusilat, verse 36.
________________________________________________________________

Have faith in Allah Taala. Have faith in Him.
Have faith in your Duaa to Him.
He won't abandoned you, instead He'll give what's best for you.
For he who has no one, has Allah, and he who has Allah has everything :')

Berserah dengan segalanya, kerana kita kepunyaan Dia.
Dan sebetulnya, belum tiba masanya lagi untuk saya kata...
"I've done my part in striving."
Ohoh, tidak.

x

Sunday, January 8, 2012

deadlines.

Bismillah~

Bahang final exams dah terasa. Err, bukan takat panas dah ni, saya rasa saya dah rentung! Hiperbola sangat nih -_- Huk, maafkan.

I make deadlines for myself because I knew that I work best under pressure :)

And, truthfully, the things that can only motivates me right now are my parents' hope, the fact that I'm going back to Malaysia the day after the exam ends, and for I have Allah with me.

He shall not dissapoint me. ♥ Errr, mohon korang 'lastik' doa pada saya supaya kuat! Hiaaaarrrghhh.

x

Thursday, January 5, 2012

2012; a year wiser

Bismillah~

Already 5th January and I don't seems to be affected by the fact that it's already 2012! Err, being a university student, and your med school starts in October, makes everything less important? Plus, my finals usually reside in January so... New Year is not something that I look forward to these days :)

Studying abroad makes you lost track of time I guess? Or is it just me? Anyways, am I making a New Year resolutions out of this writings? Em. Not really. Eheh!

AS A MUSLIMAH.
Last ten days of Ramadhan; Blue Mosque Shah Alam.

I wish that I can be more sincere, because sincerity is not something that always come along in every deeds that you do, yes? I wish to love Islam-- this beautiful religion of mine-- more, practice Islam as a whole because Islam is the way of life and hopefully, becoming a better muslimah, by the day, Allah's willing.

Most importantly, I pray to Allah that I can be more sabr (baca: patience) and have preseverance to live in this dunya and not get distracted by it for the ones that became indulge with dunya, will not have their place in akhirah. Nauzzubillah.

AS A SISTER AND A DAUGHTER.
Genting Highlands; Third day of Eidul Fitr.

I missed my sister and brothers to death, and kakak loves all of you despite everything that came between us. Family are for keeps and they are Allah's precious blessings ever given to you. :') I thank Allah for He created them and let us to have blood ties with each other. Err, I wish to be a better sister inshaAllah, and I truly hope that my brothers will be a true gentleman hihi.

That obviously requires them to act like a boyfriend-in-public (baca: bodyguard) for me. :B

To my parents, I shall, of course, try to be a better daughter and I just simply loves my abah and ummi because they are cool like that! *grinning. Thank you would never be enough for what they had put up with me all these years throughout my rebellious state.

For my lifetime, I wish to make them proud to call me as their daughter :)

AS A FRIEND.
Baraan raya; Amani's home.

They are my friends for life, thanks to high school :') Err, tapinya Ezir dengan Shahrul kat belakang tu mintak sorry, tak termasuk dalam senarai. And I will not regret elucidating that. They just happens to be in the picture as they were our musyrif back in Shah Alam.

Yes, balik Shah Alam pun dah pandai nak bermusyrif. -_-"
Kejap. I'm loosing my point here.

Okay retrieved. I wish to be more as a giver than a taker. Give more, expect less, whatever sayings that can shed some light on my intentions to say that I want to be someone that everyone considered as a friend. :) Be a friend to someone, but don't expect them to be a friend to you.

It would definitely hurts but hey, Allah knows, right? He would never leave you without granting something better at any costs :')

AS A MEDICAL STUDENT.
I wish to want to study and make studying as my full time hobby, not just because I needed to. To attend classes deligently although it starts at 8am and may sometimes ended at 4pm. Medicine isn't supposed to be easy, so have your mindset be taken care off, love!

Err, be a lil competitive towards others? To never let them underestimate me and of course, to never underestimate them as well. I wish to spend more time in reading andddd.... be a helping hand if anybody asks me to teach them about a thing or two. :)

AS A NATURE LOVER.
February 2011; Newcastle.

I just wish to travel moreeeeee. *batting eye lashes to mom and dad.

AS A DREAMER.
I wish to be more responsible towards my dreams, err... by working hard to make them come true, that is. :D But I also wish to be a less-day-dreamer because it will only consumed my time and that's NOT good. I wish to be wiser in making life-changing decisions, or simply, in making any kind of choices.

AND AGAIN, BE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT.
DO NOT RUN OR TURN YOUR BACK AGAINST IT.
FACE IT.


Allah did not put you in such state if He knew we can't make our way out. He's never a cruel Creator in the first place, and mark that in your head!

Adulthood comes with lots of responsibilities or so they say. So... hopefully, by being responsible for my decisions, I would, in the future, be a more responsible adult towards my life. InshaAllah, :)

X

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

For I am a girl, and I have such a delicate heart to deal with.

Bismillah~

Perasaan tak diambil kisah dan orang tak mahukan kita tu macam ni ke agaknya...?
Err, rasanya hilang, tanpa kamu.

I know I don't have every reasons to feel sad, kalau orang tu dah tak nak consider saya sebagai kawan dia. I know that :'/ Tapi rasa kehilangan ni harus saya campak ke mana? Had to admit that I have 'memories intolerance'. It would take me some time to actually acknowledge, that certain persons don't belong anymore in my life, let alone to be in my future.

Saya bukan tak cuba...
Call number mesir awak, dah tak ada dalam perkhidmatan. Hantar emel awak tak balas. Fesbuk awak deactivate. Instant message on YM awak tak reply. Blog awak tak kasi orang comment.

Jadi harus saya lakukan apa lagi? Allah~

Just so you know F, I am still right here, just in case you ought to look back and suddenly remembered that once upon a time, you had me as a friend. I knew that you never acknowledge me as one of your bestfriends but alas, I considered you as mine.

And I would never, regret that. Let alone regretting knowing you few years back thru the net :)

F, if you do happen to read this blog of mine like you used to, I just wanted to say that I missed you and nearly went crazy because of it. Literally.

Tak salahkan awak pun, dont worry. Kita ada buat salah pada awak ye F? I apologize if that ever happens and for the fact that I can't be that type of friend you needed. The flaw is infact, on my side.

P/s: Dan sesungguhnya manusia tu, tak pernah tak mengecewakan.
P p/s: Shukran F, awak banyak mengajar kita tentang hidup. Untuk tak terlalu meletak harapan pada manusia, :')

x