Wednesday, November 23, 2011

To whom should I seek comfort to?


I cried, although I thought I can simply overcome this and I cried regardless, despite the reason for the tears were not that solid. I know the decision has been made and it is for my best from their view but I can't help to feel saddened by the fact that I can't be a part of this.

And... unknowingly I cried to my sleep. Not that I wanted to, since I don't even feel slightest bit of protesting because I knew by not going, I am actually obeying their order and fullfilling Allah's command on me... but the tears kept coming.

"Ini yang terbaik," I chanted that throughout the night, seeking strength from Allah Taala.
"Sakitnya ujian ni ya Allah," I chanted that while biting my lips and tears rolling down my cheek.

I literally died a little inside.
"Ini yang terbaik untuk mencapai redha Allah, by not going." I chanted that again, and again.

"Kalau ini yang terbaik, yang kau aturkan dengan penuh cinta, lenyapkan rasa nak pergi tu ya Allah..." I prayed silently during my sujud and I cried, helplessly.

He knows best, He always do. And I believe that.
He's the creator of the land, sky and sea.
And He's the creator of you and me.
How can we ever compete with that?

P/s: I asked myself, to whom should I seek for comfort? And then I found As-Syura, verse 9.

Atau mereka mengambil pelindung-pelindung selian Dia? Padahal Allah, Dialah pelindung yang sebenarnya.